Divorce & the Children
You may find it hard to believe but more than fifty percent of the marriages in the United States end up in divorces. The situation is especially atrocious in the case of second marriages where around sixty-seven percent of them wind up in separations. I know, it might sound quite depressing and reasonably frustrating, yet it’s the truth. And this complex phenomenon that is known as ‘Divorce’ has its own ostentatious effect on the related parties – the man, the woman and their children.
Societal expectations, independence, depression, career, financial reliance, dreams, lifestyle and other associated issues – so many issues might very well be related to the splitting up of a family. Be that as it may, whatever the reason is, we can’t just avoid the intricacies involved with this stressful experience we call divorce. Our intentions should focus on eliminating stressful obstacles along with better management of the various factors that could psychologically affect all the people in your family.
The circumstances that trigger a divorce definitely correlated with problems – not being able to get along, communication gap, obnoxious relationship, psychological stress, monetary setbacks and so forth. Parents happen to be the ultimate pillars of support for their children. Kids are accustomed to think that their parents are going to solve all of their worries for them. From their adolescence, they get used to depend on the father and mother for different rationales – if they needed to buy something, they tend to go to their fathers. On the other hand, mothers typically take care of their indoor needs like favorite foods, homework and other related issues.
Children in Divorce – Dependency on their Parents
All things considered, divorce has always been an awfully disturbing experience for the kids. The scenario is particularly true for the kids aged somewhere around 6 to 10. They already spend quality time with their parents and became content with their existing environment. They happen to develop the accustomed dependency on their parents for their various needs. Now when they face the separation of their parents, the terror of unknown changes and an uncertain future envelops them with immense anxiousness. More often than not, kids with divorced parents as a result of improperly managed stress tend to have a challenging upbringing.
However, the after-effects and psychological consequences a child commonly faced in a divorce have drastically changes over time. Nowadays, kids don’t need to suffer the customary and assumed emotional setbacks like those of earlier decades. These days, parental conflicts can be resolved in much more positive way where both of the parents can focus on the needs and wants of the kids even after their divorce. However, the accumulated emotional suffering, the frustration, the anger, the helplessness may still be present through observing loud behaviors.
Young men, as a rule, can’t stifle their irritation and exacerbation and get into the conflicts with others while young ladies have a tendency to get more discouraged and hermetic. In each scenario, both physical and psychological development of the children gets disrupted considerably. The fact is, the sense of parent substitution can lead them into a very complicated situation. Getting accepted and used to the new family and environment might be pretty challenging. It takes a lot of time and effort from all the related parties to come and live happily under the same roof. A qualitative and quantitative association can help the children to believe in relationships and facilitate their future conviction and bonding.
Spending holiday time with parents on always holds a great deal of importance for the kids. Be that as it may, it can be hard to appreciate these holiday occasions with a pending divorce and keeping up the dynamics between two or more families.
The parents should not force the kids to spend time with them without their consent. For the children, a well-planned schedule can prompt an exceptionally productive celebration on any occasion. Since they have to spend the holiday/s between two households, an advance planning to coagulate the gratification will allow everyone to be happy with the upshot.
For instance, in the case of celebrating Christmas, spending time with both the parents together would be the ideal scenario for the kids. However, this development might not seem to be viable in most cases. In this manner, spending the Christmas Eve with one parent and the rest of the day with another may be an ideal situation for the kids. This particular scheme can change with each alternate year with the parents.
The parents should not belittle children’s expectations amid this ensemble of separation and occasions. Reading a book, making videos together, cooking in concert, playing and taking selfies – so many things can make a holiday memorable and the parents should take every bit of the chance to make it successful.
These days, thanks to the technological headways, getting in touch became so much easier with the support of video chatting and other related messaging alternatives. Therefore, parents, who stay in a different state or country, can easily get connected through those smart devices.
With regards to gifts, the parents better be acquainted with the wish list of the kids and prepare them accordingly. Nonetheless, it is recommended not to produce something out of the ordinary so as to hide the guilty conscious.
The parents ought to attempt to minimize the stress that comes with holidays. Allowing the kids in the planning process and highlighting their yearns in the plan should keep them cheerful during the holidays.
The parents must not talk negatively about each other. Moreover, they most certainly should not fight in front of the kids or within their perceptible range. Reassure the children know that, yes, things are changing but together you will overcome the situation and that everything will be ok. Parents are not supposed to share their emotional outbreaks with the kids. It will ruin the entire holiday vibe and the atmosphere could most certainly turn into a negative one. Be mindful that your emotions and actions affect those around you but more importantly they can and will affect your children’s holiday season for better or for worse, it all depends on you.
Parents should bring them into an enthusiastic group discussion into action regarding their interests, schools or other extra-curricular activities with a table of sumptuous foods. They should let the kids act on their own accords and share their opinions concerning the current occurrences and their surroundings. The parents also need to enjoy themselves with the kids and take care of their other relatives and friends in the meantime. It’s all about setting the appropriate environment and an outline for joyful recollections.